 Political Ballads from an Independent Paper Scratcher
Stories from former Stettler Independent journalist Christopher Walsh.
( correspondents views do not necessarily reflect the views of the Heart of Alberta dot com editorial staff )
Read Walsh in the Independent
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Written by Admin
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Wednesday, 16 April 2008 |
by Christopher Walsh
 Women's Roller Derby in Alberta Scarla Maim is circling the cement
floor of the Big Four building at the Stampede Grounds in Calgary in
fine fluorescent form. Her bleached hair is reflecting in the light as
she bites down on the neon green mouth guard and makes a turn that
she's made hundreds of times in her two years in the roller derby
league.
The
little girl who once dazzled her family with figure skating flair is
now being chased by a vicious group of women on roller skates dressed
in fishnet stockings and short skirts, some even sporting war paint,
intent on maiming her. Girls with names like Bamm Bamm, Loriville
Slugger, Trailer Trish, Whiskey Girl and Topp Gunns. But Scarla is
cruising the cement, taped-on track with great efficiency. Those pink
and white wheels are rolling fast around corners just brushing past a
screaming crowd cheering for a hit, a take-down, an errant elbow to the
jaw; anything that might send Scarla to the floor and sliding into
their raucous arms, only six feet away.
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Written by Christopher Walsh
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Tuesday, 11 March 2008 |
by Christopher Walsh
 “A good opposition makes a good government.” Doug Griffiths The aftermath is still being felt and it stings
for those who withstood the degradations of the campaign only to make it into this week bleeding and vulnerable.
There
is no dignity these days for men who were beaten in the streets by a
fickle electorate nobody understands. It was certainly a mob mentality
Monday night as Conservatives across this province came out in droves
to vote for what they probably saw as the continuation of “Alberta's
Century”. The Tories have done well branding themselves with the mark
of prosperity and good times. Everybody else can curl up and die....
The
Liberals won't return phone calls, the NDP never mattered and their
leader conceded the election the day before the vote, the Wildrose
Alliance have been put back into crazed, fringe party status and the
Greens think they accomplished something with their slate of university
punks running through the internet in real-life ridings.
Somewhere
around 42 per cent of Albertans turned out for the big show Monday
night, marking the lowest voter turnout in provincial history. A sad
commentary they say, for democracy and those veterans who fought and
died for the right to vote. Nobody would go to war these days for that
mess....
But there could be a new war for Stelmach approaching. And since there
is no real opposition to speak of, that conflict
may...come...from...within...The Party.
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Written by Christopher Walsh
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Thursday, 06 March 2008 |
By Christopher Walsh
 A group of fanatical Indians break
into chants and interpretive dance outside the entrance to the Chateau
Louis Convention Centre, shortly after Ed Stelmach's victory speech
Monday night. The blaring Hindu music from the Cadillac Escalade, mixed
with their gyrations and chants, was enough for some middle-aged white
Conservative supporters to seek safety back in the hotel, away from the
noise and frolicking.
One chubby Conservative was bent on finishing his smoke and stayed until it was done, against his better judgment.
“Don't worry,” I told him, after noticing his nervous looks. “They're on your side tonight.”
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Written by Christopher Walsh
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Sunday, 02 March 2008 |
By Christopher Walsh
 That's incredible... I like sausage too!
The
premier's dark eyes shift behind his custom glasses and his legs and
semi-stretched right hand follow the gaze's trajectory, as if all three
are attached in unison by small strands of invisible thread.
“How you doing? How's the family?” Stelmach offers when the object is finally located after the turn-around.
A
burly man with a NASCAR hat and a moustache responds quickly and in
broken terms as Stelmach starts his prototypical small-talk.
“Yeah, we got twins – two year olds,” moustache man blurts out.
The
premier's voice seems to fade, as if he doesn't want the media who have
been following him all morning to hear what he's saying to these
people; these just-happy-to-meet-the-premier-folks who happened into
the sausage factory for lunch this fine sunny afternoon.
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Written by Christopher Walsh
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Thursday, 28 February 2008 |
By Christopher Walsh
 Are you in the club? “Government spying
on its citizens is as deadly to democracy as a needle is to a drug
addict,” Joe Anglin tells me late Wednesday night from his home near
Rimbey, without the slightest bit of hyberbole in his voice.
The
51-year-old former investment advisor and full-time provocateur was
sharing one of his campaign ads that hit radio in central Alberta this
week.
Anglin was at the centre
of a full-blown government scandal last year, when the Tory government
(and their arms-length utility regulator) were caught spying on him and
other landowners in central Alberta as they built their case against a
proposed massive power line project that would feed the United States
with Alberta-born energy, running through their backyards. Much has
been written about that, so I'll refrain from getting into all the
details, except to ask where the public outrage was when the government
was caught, without any doubt or excuse, hiring private detectives to
spy on its citizens?
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Written by Christopher Walsh
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Monday, 25 February 2008 |
By Christopher Walsh
 Taft Ride Along. Pedal to the Metal!
I had been following them for a good 20 kms, from a party
rally on the way to a meet and greet and door knocking at a mall in north east Calgary. I stayed close
the whole time, unsure of the exact location. Taft's men understood this, but
the driver seemed to have his own agenda, as if he had finally spotted the tail
and had to shake it immediately. It's a good thing my resume boasts “evasive
driving techniques”. I pulled out and over a curb, cutting off a white van as I
made my way – quite literally – back on the campaign trail.
The bastards wouldn't lose me that easily. I caught a
glimpse of their right turn down the hill, but by the time I made it to the
busy intersection, the lights had changed and traffic was flowing against me.
Any number of motorists are probably still angry with me, but I darted out and
pulled another sharp turn, catching the van taking another right. I quickly
caught up and made the curve. The van was waiting, already turned around in the
opposite direction.
The driver and Taft's lead media man were laughing.
“The mall's right there,” the driver said, pointing back
across the busy intersection. “We got lost.”
“Yeah,” I replied, “those were some effective driving
manouevers.”
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Written by Christopher Walsh
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Sunday, 24 February 2008 |
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By Christopher Walsh
 Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.
At the time, nobody wanted to even consider the matter, not
any politicians, not editors at bigger papers than the Stettler Independent and
certainly not elected school board officials.
The Red Deer Advocate, with their newsroom chock full of
elderly souls trying their best to earn a pay cheque and go home, didn't even
try to poach this story from me. It was a big one and after a year and a half
of stealing my stories from the Independent, rewriting them for the Advocate
and screwing up just about every fact along the way, the Advocate's editors
decided it wasn't much of an issue.
In fact, Joe McLaughlin the Advocate's managing editor,
wrote a piece for his paper warning people not to make it an election issue
because, well, there are bigger things on our plate, and we can't quite grasp
what this is or why it should concern hundreds of thousands of Albertans. Oh,
Joe, you're right. Nobody who reads your paper would know what you're talking
about anyway, but who gives a shit about human rights anymore?
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Written by Christopher Walsh
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Saturday, 16 February 2008 |
By Christopher Walsh
 If only I had a unicycle
What's the worst part of bungee jumping? I've never done it, but my guess is what happens when the plunge is done.
There
you are one second, heading towards the earth at terminal velocity,
feeling the rush of cool air push any loose skin on your face to the
top of your scalp, a feeling of absolute terror and joy, of confusion
and exhilaration as you plummet wondering when you'll feel the tug and
be shot back up like a yo-yo before you hit the ground.
Then
it's over and you're hanging there, completely suspended in mid-air.
Somewhere in the space between a bridge and a lake, you're hanging like
some sort of discarded puppet with loose strings waiting to be yanked
back the way you came.
Paul
Hinman knows this feeling. The leader of the Wildrose Alliance Party is
a self-described risk taker, a boy scout, an outdoorsman, a lover of
wildlife and, of all things, a unicyclist.
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